Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Happy Birthday Guadalupe, Happy Birthday Me
Dear Killers,
I know I'm a hater and all but I'd like to thank you for bringing a pretty good looking Dylan McKay back to us.
Danke,
Shazi
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Ruuueeened!!!
Please stop ruining my TV shows.
Thanks,
Carly
P.S.You must pay for what you've done to Scrubs and now House.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
C is for COOKIE
COOKIES ARE NOT A SOMETIMES FOOD!! THEY ARE AN ALL THE TIME FOOD!! Don't you go ruining my COOKIE MONSTER!!
Love,
Katie
Make Me A Sandwich
When I order a veggie sandwich, let's not skimp on let's say, the VEGGIES. It kind of makes it a veggie sandwich.
Love,
Katie
Monday, October 26, 2009
...On A Stick
Jeff Dunham is NOT funny. STOP. Why are you doing this to America? STOP.
Love,
Cara C.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Shhh...........
Why isn't there a Children Whisperer? We've got the Dog Whisperer, the Ghost Whisperer and the Horse Whisperer. It seems only right that there be a Children Whisperer. And please hurry and deal with the child in the stroller sitting behind me who is kicking their leg into my elbow.
Love Always,
Louise
I know we've had our troubles in the past, but I think we can work it out. In other words, I come in peace...white flag and everything. Let's just put the past stress, anxiety and sleepy starts behind us and have a wonderfully productive day. I KNOW we can do it.
What do you say?
-Tamra
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Shirts Off, Shirts On
1. GROSS!
2. Put your shirt back on!
3. Winter is right around the corner and frostbite happens.
Love Always,
Dana M.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Odes to October
Welcome, Welcome...I can't even tell you how happy I am that you are here. You are my favorite of all the months and it is not even my birthday or anything. I have to admit I was a little unprepared for you after last month's heat wave extravaganza and I didn't fully dress for your arrival at the rink this morning, but I am totally glad that you arrived safely!
Love & Affection,
Tamra
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Love of My Life
You say you will meet the love of your life...how about the psycho of your future???
Love,
Rayer Marie
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Hamsters are Make-Believe
Today's Picks:
How do I tell my kids their pet hamster died?
Answer: You tell them it never really existed.
Love,
The Universe
Freeway BaNaNaS!
GET OFF THE FREEWAY OVERPASS!
Stop yelling and screaming crazy, incoherent things, because it is creating a major traffic jam. Jam don't go with bananas! Peanut butter does, in case you couldn't put that one together. Also, now I have that bananas in pajamas are coming down the stairs song stuck in my head. THANKS A LOT BUDDY.
Love Always,
Raye & Louise, on behalf of everyone that was on the 101 S freeway headed towards downtown LA around 7pm on 9/9/09.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
TACO DEATH FOREVER
I want to eat tacos
crunchy
soft
salady
ALL OF THEM
Love Always,
The Day After Thanksgiving Folks
Thursday, September 3, 2009
No Cabbie Control
Please learn to drive since it's your job. One should be able to take a cab without getting run over, running over someone else, enjoy getting from point a to point b without hitting every damn curb.
Love Always,
anon.
Back that THANG up!
Please take a step back, you are too close! No one can get in front of you, the ropes are here to prevent that. I can hear you breathing and I hope that you can read this as I type it into my phone...BACK UP!!!
Love Always,
anon.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Breathe In....Breathe Out....
First off, you are TOTALLY appreciated! I know I am pushing you past capacity this week. Walking by the grass cutter guy... so not cool. You can't really blame me for the wildfire thing that has ash drifting in my yard though. Love... the inhaler idea, but they are expensive esp without insurance so no go there... but I will try to stay indoors. Hang in there... you are doing great!
Love Always,
Tamra
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Coffee is for Lovers
I want to thank you for being in my life and helping me through this day for I would be truly lost without you. You mean ever so much to me and if I could I would hug you!
Screw it, I WILL hug you!
Love,
ME!
Damn New Fangled Devices!!!
Would you mind giving us a memo at least 24 hours in advance of your moodiness so we can best accommodate you?
Thanks.
Love,
Natalie Nicole
Shape it up Les!
I like the shapes you made wood into. Good Job. RIP.
Love Always,
Rachel Rose
Friday, July 31, 2009
A Puma Ponders Once Again
Dear Universe,
Why did you make hipster boys so cute, and me so invisible to them?
Love Always,
Puma
Sunday, July 26, 2009
It's a hit!
I really think you should have called the club "Kelena."
Just saying.
Love Always,
The Ice Cream Betches
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Doesn't Get More Metal Than This
Can Billy Joel go back to being wicked metal?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swiI32BcNUU
http://blogrizzard.blogspot.com/2007/11/really-bad-early-billy-joel.html
(And by really bad I think he means really great)
Love Always,
Death Furnace Phelps
A Puma Cub Ponders
I was hanging out with this guy and he's fucking crazy. Too bad he was so much fun.
Not that he's not boyfriend material but he'd make a shitty boyfriend.
What's a puma cub to do?
Love Always,
emily the strangeeeee
Pregnancy is Fun
I was waiting in line in the deli section at Ralph's and overheard a very detailed conversation between the clerk and a customer regarding her C section.
Thanks for sharing.
Love Always,
Eddie R.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Dear Online Dating Sites...
Why do you find it amusing to constantly barrage me with: obese people. Asians (seriously, like, I got the yellow fever as much as the next person, but why so many? Are there more Asians on internet dating sites than other races? I THINK NOT. Stop discriminating!). Pregnant women. People with children. People looking for a threesome.
Why, online dating site? WHY?!??!
Love Always, Your Friend,
Online Dater
Dear Online Dating Losers...
Please keep your shirt on and do not take pictures of yourself with your camera or phone in the shot. It makes you look like a douche. Also, learn to type in complete sentences. WITHOUT CAPS LOCK ON.
THANK YOU, ONLINE DATING WINNER
A Few Notes from Rayer Marie
Dear Freeway Traffic,
I do not like you. Go away!
Later,
Rayer Marie
Dear Internet,
Why are you so slow? What did I do to you?
Later,
Rayer Marie
Dear Universe,
Why did you make my bladder so small?
Later,
Rayer Marie
A Puma Ponders....
Dear Universe,
Why's a puma so sad?
Love Always, Your Friend,
Puma
Dear Younger Men,
Why are you so easy to talk to? Is it because I'm old?
Love Always, Your Friend,
Puma
Thank you for nominating Family Guy for a best series Emmy. Definitely deserved it, though probably not for this season. Also, what's up with Mad Men and 30 Rock snagging ALL the writing nods? Don't get me wrong, both shows are well written, but it's a bit of overkill in those categories. Get with the program, Emmys. There's other stuff on TV.
But, in all fairness, THANK YOU for nominating like everything Damages ever did. You really overlooked Tate Donovan in Supporting Actor/Director categories, but I will overlook that, as you nominated just about everyone else you could. Well, except for Marcia Gay Harden, who ruled last season. Also, since when is Rose Byrne a "Supporting" Actress in that series? Damn, Emmys. What up with that?
Also, a side note to all awards shows: There are too many of you. You always nominate the same things each year. It would be fantastic if you'd change your formats a bit (maybe stretch announcements over a few days - like, say, Monday for dramas, Tuesdays for comedys, Wednesdays for technical awards, and announce them via webcasts or during primetime dramas with multiple presenters/hosts?) Just a thought.
Love Always, Your Friend,
The Bear
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
I have a few bones to pick with you. First of all, I'm still sort of pissed that you opened yourself to the whole world a few years back. The uneducated rabble belong on Myspace and Twitter, the home base of porn stars and 13 year olds. Seriously. Wtf. Facebook was supposed to be for COLLEGE STUDENTS. PERIOD. You should at least have kept the high school/college portions separate, if you NEEDED to add high schoolers. Ugh. I'm really learning just how many people in the world don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" as a result of your change. Ignorance was bliss in that area, Facebook.
Secondly, the new format changes have pretty much all been bad. It was a lot more streamlined before. Don't get me wrong, I like the ability to modify preferences more, but with this whole "opening to the world" thing, which you clearly did for money, come quizzes and applications and all this other random bs that we never needed to begin with. The news feed and the info and whatnot were better prior to that as well (seriously, what are all these random boxes? It takes a billion years for some pages to load). Emulating Myspace is NOT a good thing.
Thirdly, as I mentioned previously, I really enjoy the ability to modify preferences. I like that I can choose which friends I do and don't want to see in my news feed. This allows me to ignore those that have no grasp of basic elementary school level grammatical constructions. It also allows me to hide exes, frenemies, and full on arch nemeses from my feed. Then, Facebook, you decide that it's a FANTASTIC IDEA to add a "highlights" section, which randomly pulls popular or new media from my friends' pages. EVEN THE ONES I'VE HIDDEN. That's like getting a fucking restraining order on someone, except they're allowed to sit on your front porch. Or they can hang out with you on Wednesdays. What. The. Fuck. Facebook, there's a reason I don't want to see these people. I don't like them. Or I like them, but I don't want to read about them. Or perhaps I'm still working on getting over them, and don't want to see them on my front page (but felt obligated to friend them back, 'cause otherwise I look like an asshole). Facebook, I'm really not an asshole. I just like you the way you used to be. Given that you won't go back to then, can you please either remove the highlights section completely, or allow it to be modified a la the news feed? Thank you.
Love Always, Your Friend,
The Bear
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Back That Thang Up
From the Church Choir
Dear Creepy Church guy (You know who you are)
Do not ask me for a ride, even though we live close, to church. You have a car and you still ask. Not to be green, but because I think you will be hitting on me the whole way and never pitch in for gas. Besides, I am weary of you knowing where I live.
Yours truly,
Rayer Marie
Attention Drivers!
Dear BMW & Mercedes drivers,
- There are other people on the road.
- I know how to drive my 4 cylinder American car.
- I know you have blinkers, but I don’t know if you were taught to use them. Or if they work in your car… check the blinker fluid. J
- If you have a car that has that much power, for the love of God, learn how to use it correctly.
- I will play bumper cars with you cuz my daddy can fix my car.
- The only status symbol you get with a car like that, is that you are a douche nozzle.
Love Always,
Rayer Marie